And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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