And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
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Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
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I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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