you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
