it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
