my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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