ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
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your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just gift wrapped bread.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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