Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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