You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
