I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Watching her eat just hurts me
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
