Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
