You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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