He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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