I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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