One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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