Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
