You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize