My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
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The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize