I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
