It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
