Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
