Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
