there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
