the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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