High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
