And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm jealous of your bromance
honey bunches of taint.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
