I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
