It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
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Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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