I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
