I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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