Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
