The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
