remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I love you.
Bad choice
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
