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there's paper in my vomit.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
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