OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize