I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My vagina is officially offended.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
