is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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