i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
