the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
