pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
