Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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