Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
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I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
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As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This is my life. Enjoy the view
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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