he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
