So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
