your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
