The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize