dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
