Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Randomize
