I will die if light touches me.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
