Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
