After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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