Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
