We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
