dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
