so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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