What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
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My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
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when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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