You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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