In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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