Having a random hookup so left but love u
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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