i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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