the condom got lost in my hair
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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