but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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