i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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